To the MEPS pt. 2

Despite injesting my sleep aids, I wake up at about midnight and just decide to get up and tough it out for the next 15 hours or so. Bad idea. So 4 a.m. rolls around and it's raining like hell outside. I run out to my recruiters car and attempt to get in and the door is locked. I knock on the window and he looks at me like I'm retard. He lets me in after about 10 seconds. Thanks buddy!

We arrive at the MEPS and everyone lines up at the front door. Same old shit and I go in and start the process of selling my skin sack to the government...again. I don't have to do the physical this time around so I'm pretty optimistic that I'll get out of there within just a few hours. I get my packet and the lady at the control desk tells me to head up to medical. What? I was told I dont need to do my physical again. "Right, but you need to get your waiver signed by the doctor upstairs."

I head up to medical and the lady that fucked me over on my first trip tells me to "Head down the hall, hook a left, have a seat in the chairs at the last door on the left." So I head down the hall, hook a left, and have a seat in the chairs at the last door on the left. After a few minutes an old guy who looks like he's about to die walks into the door that I'm waiting in front of, puts a headset on and starts watching some TV.

I'm not really sure if this is the doctor im supposed to wait for so I continue waiting like an idiot. Eventually another lady comes around and tells me to go ahead and go in. The doctor pretends to be embarrased and signs off on my shit and tells me not to eat so much salt. Thanks for the tip!

I go back downstairs and sit in with the Army liason. "What do you want to be in the Army?" "Infantry." He snickers. "Fuck you" I think to myself. I'm unreasonably tired at this point and really just want to go home. So I get through all of the paper work and get my 11x contract for 4 years and 19 weeks. Yay. Just before I sign on the dotted line I remember that I wanted to go FUCKING Airborne. SHIT! "Uhm...sorry but I forgot to mention that I wanted to go Airborne as well."

Without batting an eye this dweeb looks me right in the eye and says "You cant.". The conversation goes a little something like this.

Me: "Why not?"

Him: "Because it isn't showing up on the computer."

Me: "Can you call the ROC?"

Him: "Who have you been talking to?"

Me: "Can you call the ROC?"

Him: "Siiiiiiigggggghhhhhhh"

He calls the ROC which as I understand it is the place that handles all the paperwork for Army recruites. Im not really sure I just know that everyone says to tell them to call the ROC if something isnt on the computer. The ROC says they're at double capacity this quarter and there are no more slots, period. Fuck!

The liason calls the MEPS Commander for some reason and asks him if theres anything that can be done. Nope. So the liason is going through my contract.

"Alright so you've got 11X Infantry Recruit, Ft. Benning is your OSUT location and your enlistment time is 4 years and 19 weeks. You've got a 30,000 dollar enlistment bonus and you qualify for the Montgomery GI Bill. Any questions?"

I wake up and tell him no. We shake hands and I thank him for assisting me in selling my soul and head out to the front desk to have my interview and to swear in and go home. At this point it's about 7 a.m. I should be out of here in another hour or two. The lady at the desk tells me that it's going to be awhile and I take a seat. The seat looks like somebody snuck in at night and jizzed all over it but whatever.

A few minutes later my recruiter swings by and I show him my contract. He's more excited than I am over the bonus. I don't really care because I can think of a few dozen ways to blow $30,000 in one day, but I guess its alright. Now begins the longest wait of my life. I wait, and wait, and wait. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to go to sleep so I fight it. Eventually I'm to the point where I'm falling asleep with my eyes open. Fucking sleeping aids, fuck off! At around noon or so I get called in to be interviewed.

My interviewer looks like New York from that show "Flavor of Love". This is a bad thing. So we get to work on the same questions I have been asked about 20 times. It takes about 5 minutes and I retire to the same jizz covered seat. All that's left now is to be sworn in. I wait about another hour and my name is called to go into the briefing room. We sit down and that same cool lady that did my fingerprints the last time is there and proves, once again, that she is the only cool person at the Nashville MEPS.

She then leaves us to wait for the MEPS Commander, a Marine Captain, to come swear us in. At this point I am terrified. Not of the Captain who is about to come in and give us the evil eye for a few minutes, but just of the fact that "it" is actually happening now. I'm about to swear in to 4 years and 19 weeks of pure shit. For no real reason other than I feel like I have to. I'm not having second thoughts, but I'm definately freaking out.

Eventually the Captain comes in and at first I thought he had chew in his mouth or something, but as he turned to face us I saw it was just him smerking. This is going to be fun. He starts going around the room and asking everyone what branch of service they're joining, what job and for how long. He gets to me and I make a fool out of myself. "I'm joining the Army as an Infantry recruit for four years and 19 days, I mean months, I mean weeks."

Anyway we head into the ceremony room and I've calmed down by now and actually feel kind of proud of myself for being physically, morally and mentally qualified to join the United States Armed Forces, although I disagree with the last one after my fuck up in the briefing room. Anyway as we're standing at attention and reading the oath, my legs begin shaking. Nobody noticed it, or didn't find it funny enough to laugh and I made it through without making an ass of myself anymore.

So there you have it. I am now enlisted into the Army Reserves, and on the 25th of October I will report to the MEPS Station for active duty where I will be transported to Fort Benning, Georgia to begin my One Station Unit Training for the U.S. Army Infantry. Is this the part where I say Hooah? Well, fuck it. Hooah!