To the MEPS...(continued)

DD eventually stands up and announces that he's ready and if anybodys going to try to kick his ass, then do it now. Everyone laughs and we head back out to the lounge area to wait for the bus. We turn in our cards and head out to the bus, or the 3 things that are a mix between a bus and a passenger van. They're actually really nice and the ride is over before I wanted it to be.

We all get out into the pouring rain and head to the front door. It's locked so we wait. Eventually a Marine comes out and gives us the rundown. He tells us what the day is going to be like and tells us to tuck our shirts in or fucking leave. We obide and he lets us in. We head down to our branch of service and as soon as I walk into the Army office I see Zidane (from the ride down to Nashville) getting chewed out by some civilian. He basically ignores the guy which only pisses him off more. I get my packet and cute little name tag and start a pretty shitty day.

We go into a classroom and a Navy guy (I think) comes in and goes into detail about whats going to happen and what to do and not to do. All of the people (including me) who have GEDs are told to stay behind and he sends everyone else to the next step. We take the AIMS test which is to see if we're as big of fuck ups as the Army thinks were going to be and then catch up with everyone else. As we're all waiting for our eye exams a very ugly lady comes around and takes all of our blood pressures. When she gets to me she pumps the cuff up like hell until it explodes in my face, scaring the shit out of me. She then retrieves what appears to be a thigh cuff or something and places it on my arm. She pumps it up and puts a sticker in my packet and tells me I need to lower my blood pressure. Get out of my fucking face.

After the eye exam, and hearing exam we walk down the hall into another classroom. We do a bunch more paperwork about any medical problems we've had in the past and we have our breathalyzer test. She sends everyone else on their way and tells me to stay behind. Fucking great I thought, I've failed the breathalyzer in some mysterious way. Turns out she wanted to take my blood pressure again.

She starts the machine up and walks outside for a minute. I look at the little screen and it says something like 132 over 80. She comes back about 5 minutes later and starts the machine again, and leaves. This time it was 138 or so over 85 I think. The third time I ask her if she could actually stay and write down the reading this time. She then gives me a mean look and tells me to run downstairs to the control desk and tell them to warn me. Oh yeah, and she gives me 2 minutes. I run downstairs, the Marine from outside is there and he just laughs and sends me back. I run back and she immediately hooks me back up in record time and takes my blood pressure again. 150 something over a high 80. Fuck. She writes Elevated BP in my packet and smiles at me like the bitch she is. I know deep inside she has just fucked me.

I catch up with everyone else and have my blood drawn and do a urinalysis and sit down with a doctor to go over my medical history. I'm a GO at every station. Next is the physical. 8 of us go into a room and strip down to our underwear and are weighed. I'm overweight of course and have to be taped. I pass. I then go into a room with a doctor and he makes sure everything works and touches my balls. Yay.

He then sits down and looks through my packet. I had basically forgotten about the blood pressure bullshit but it was still in my packet unfortunately. He then informs me that I'm disqualified because of my blood pressure. He asked me if I was just nervous or something and I told him about the whole ordeal with that woman and he sighed and said there was nothing he could do. He wrote me a note to take to my doctor and said that all I would have to do is get 3 good (under 140 over 90) blood pressure readings from a private physician and then return to MEPS with a note saying I was good to go. Fucking great. Im glad thats ALL I have to do.

I walk out of his room and put my clothes back on and catch up with everyone. If I hadnt been disqualified this is the part where I would go into the Army office and pick my job, then go swear in and go home. But why the fuck would that happen. I go into the Army office and inform a guy wearing an ACU that I've been DQ'd for blood pressure. Hes really professional about it and tells me that it happens all the time and says the same shit the doctor did. He then takes my packet and has me go down to finger printing so that when I return I wont have any more bullshit to go through and I can just get in and out.

I go down to finger printing and the most friendly lady I met all day at the MEPS goes through my FBI file and just verifies my social security number and and address and such. She then takes me to the finger printing machine and asks if I have any dirt or poop on my fingers. I laugh and we get my finger prints in. I wonder to myself why everyone else at the MEPS can't be cool like her and then meet up with my recruiter who was pretty pissed. I'm not sure if it was at me or at the lady who FUCKED me over. But he was pissed nonetheless. He looked for a loophole but there wasnt one. Another guy who had come down with Sgt. Stevens got a job and $30,000 in bonuses. Nice. Did I mentioned that since I got fucked by that lady I lost my $20,000 bonus? Well I did. Anyway.

We head back home and I get to sit in the oven, I mean the back seat of my recruiters car and get extremely car sick. I managed keep that shitty sub sandwich from the MEPS in my stomach and finally got home. It seemed surreal, like I wasn't really there. I was just really tired I guess. I collapsed on my bed and put every curse in the book on that woman who fucked me over before passing out. FUCK MEPS.